Every morning there's a line around my corner 'cause I live next to the cineplex Scalpers wanting like $200 for a ticket Didn't have it so I wrote them a check I just can't believe it Georege Lucas is a genius "Star Wars" is back again First I'm gonna see it And then I'm gonna see it again Every morning.. Shut the door baby The movie just started Every morning...
To the tune of "My Name Is" by Eminem
Hi kids Do you like sci-fi action with Sam Jackson? Gonna blow up like "Titanic" with Bill Paxton Cool brother with the bald head and goatee Isn't he the first black guy to be in "Star Wars" since Billy Dee Hi, My name is Huh? My name is Who? My name is Chicky---Chicky---Mace Windu
To the tune of "Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin
He says the force is with you then he leans on a small cane To make you lift things up without hands To make you use your brain And then you go insane Give Jedi Advice Livin' la Vida Yoda He won't tell you twice Livin' la Vida Yoda A swamp is where he lives He looks like Abe Vigoda Tells it like it is Livin' la Vida Yoda Livin' la Vida Yoda Livin' la Vida Yoda
And it's seven more days left in October And it's one more week 'til Halloween But it's been so long since I Trick or Treated I think I should Na, na, na, na, yeah, yeah
To the tune of "3am" by Matchbox Twenty
Well she said it's cold outside I said it's October And when we get to the party We see someone else is dressed like Jenny McCarthy And she says baby, I thought that I'd be the one and only And she says baby, let's have a drink and then leave I mean Oh I'm pissed I can't believe someone else wore the same costume
To the tune of "Thank You" by Alanis Morresette
How bout mini candy bars aren't they moronic How bout cheap people that give you bags of pennies, yeah Thank you Mike and Ike Thank you Candy Corn Thank you, thank you Smarties
To the tune of "Sex and Candy" by Marcy's Playground
I have eggs and candy here Shaving creme is in my hair Shine my flashlight at people that stare in my direction Momma this is Happy Halloween to you Yeah momma this is Happy Halloween
It's almost the 14th of February You should try and guess Why I'm so depressed I wish you would send that Valentine my friend You should see the junk mail and all the bills that I've been getting in And if I get one more thing from Ed McMahon I'll kill my mailman
To the tune of "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins
She said she likes hard candy I said yeah who doesn't She likes the little candies Her favorite ones with the hearts With all the words on them like 'hug me' and 'kiss me' and 'miss ya' and 'cutie pie' And I said if I get those then maybe tonight you'll be mine Valentine She said you're a complete idiot Cause it's almost midnight on Valentine's Day and I haven't gotten one damn candy And I said if I get you those things then maybe you'll be mine Valentine Took her hand, brushed back her hair and I sang to her I said if I get you those things then maybe you'll be mine Valentine I know a place It's open up all night Valentine Valentine Valentine
To the tune of "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals
It's three o'clock in the morning I'm wasted Valentine's night, right My ex-girlfriend's getting a phone call tonight I got tequilla in me Don't hang up It's your ex-boyfriend Jimmy I am drunk Had six Long Island Iced Teas I love you Won't you come back to me please?
To the tune of "Ray of Light" by Madonna
I got myself a Whitman's sampler chocolate It comes with a diagram That describes everyone And it's sealed in a heart-shaped box And it's sealed And it's sealed in a stay fresh box And it's sealed Will you be my Valentine? Will you be my Valentine? Will you be my Valentine?
To the tune of "All the Small Things" by Blink-182
Spring break, that year Went out and bought beer Cashier grab me, took my fake id Wait a secent man, you don't understand That picture is me with a turban and a tan Ma, ma, ma, ma, my name's Muhammed
To the tune of "I Need to Know" by Marc Antony
They say "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" Give me a million and I wouldn't care There's only one place that I have to be That's at the beach house on MTV Cancun, Coasta Rica Baby I don't care Use my Dad's VISA if it gets me there Tell me Carson Daly 'cause I need to know How I'm gonna get onto the Spring Break show I need to know...Spring Break show
To the tune of "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas
Well it's a hot one Al Rocker says that it makes 101 I got my boom box and my cooler filled with tequisa out by the pool But you all went to the ocean Locked me out of my room I need some sun tan lotion on my body soon I look just like a lobster Man, my trip is ruined Get me a plane ticket home and lets forget about it- LET'S FORGET ABOUT IT!"
To the tune of "So Much to Say" by the Dave Matthews Band
I say my head is hurtin', I'm just wakin' up And I am shakin' 'cause I just threw up-yeah, yeah, yeah Drank too much, drank all 35 flavors of jello shots Smoked somebody's pot And then I did a kegstand for a long, long time Made out with a stranger for a long, long time This is what the Spring Break is all about, little baby
last week we did a little holiday song up here and it was a lot of fun, so we asked if we could do it again and they said absolutely not, lets do it anyway
i dont care what the people say christmas is really funnn
i dont care what the neighbors say christmas is number oooooonnnnne
i dont care what the everyone says christmas is awesome and cooooool
i dont care if you think its a lie christmas and santa ruuuuuuule
i dont care what the calendar reads, i dont care what day it IS
i wish it was christmas today i wish it was everydaaaaaaay
I know what you want I know what you need And Im gonna screw it up, yeah Cause Im an idiot, And Im your boyfriend, yes I am.
And baby how ya doing here tonight in Battery Park? What do ya say I pick you up in my dads SUV And we go back to my house, my crib, my pad? Ill tell my mom to go to sleep, That way well have the living room all to ourselves, you see. We can watch some great DVDs that I picked up We could watch, I dunno, maybe something like, The Matrix.
To Creed's "Arms Wide Open" Well I opened my gift today, To see which ones I can exchange So I call K-Mart and begin to say Tell the store I'm on my way Are you still open? It's just past midnight Wanted a TV dish, not a singing fish Please be open
To David Gray's "Babylon" Friday night the office threw a Christmas party, They invited me I started eating rum balls, It was the only food I had that night to eat Chugged egg nog, xeroxed my ass, peed on the couch Kissed the boss's wife, threw up on myself, and got thrown out Party on Got my Christmas party on
To U2's "Beautiful Day" I got cookies out, Hung stockings by the tree Left the front door open, 'Cause I don't have a chimney I can't get to sleep Drank hot milk, Need something stronger To calm me down, I can't wait much longer Christmas Day I hope I get Playstation Give me Pokemon and other things Flood me with compact discs and diamond rings Christmas day Santa's on his was Christmas day Here's what I say Christmas day And I love Tina Fey Christmas day Toys are on it's way
mtv movie award
To Madonna's "Don't Tell Me"
Can't believe I'm up here
I was watching at home last year
Up here alone I'll be toast
I've got a co-host, mmmm hmmmm
Everyone here's a star
Even those guys from 'Dude, Where's My Car?'
Hope we don't blow our lines,
Cause this show will re-run a thousand times
We got no standards at all,
One of our winners could be a volleyball
Hey nominees here's a hint,
If you show up you'll probably win
I know Pearl Harbor's true
But it's longer than World War 2
Frankly, I just can't wait
for the new Planet of the Apes
(music stops)
Whoa! Jimmy! I think they want us to start the show!
(they start to walk off stage, then turn around and start line dancing
again)
Don't you ever tell me
Line dancing apes aren't a great way to start the show
